So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
