He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
