So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
