I heard we made out
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
