Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
