I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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