remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
