You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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