I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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