i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
