you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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