Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
