I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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