Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
