Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
