I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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