Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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