Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
