the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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