i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
