I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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