With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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