Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
