Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want to fling myself into the sun
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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