Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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