I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
