Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.

(850): View more from Florida

I guess we all know what he was cookin.

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(602): View more from Arizona

So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.

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(678): View more from Georgia

When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...

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(319): View more from Iowa

Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her

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(705): View more from Ontario

I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.

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(518): View more from New York

It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.

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(702): View more from Nevada

It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.

(702): View more from Nevada

To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.

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