In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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