your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
