Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
