I'm going to jail i love you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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