well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we made out on top of his cat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
