Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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