my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
