I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
