Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
