This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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