You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
