If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
