So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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