ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
did i walk over a car last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
