heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
