spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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