I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
