the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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