I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
