She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
