What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
