He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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