just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
