we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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