trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Welp...herpes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
