So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
