Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
