we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
