U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
