I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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