whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
