She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
