Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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