I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i think my cat just said my name.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
