yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
